American Dream 2013

What's going on with the American dream in 2013????  Stuff is going on daily in our own little world as well as the world at large. But, over the past 20 years or so our country didn't face all of the budget cuts and layoff crisis as we are seeing now and all at once amongst all races. Unemployment rates in most states are at an all time high from highly educated people to the lesser educated people( I can also say from the doctoral degrees to the high school degrees). The local government wants to and is cutting Medicaid, food stamps, education, voting rights, women rights, and future rights.  When I first moved down to North Carolina from New York, I was amongst those needing help to get on my feet. I had two young children and I actually thought moving south was a good thing. I found temporary clerical jobs that finally lead to full-time work. But, I did need assistance for the first few months of our transition. I eventually went back to college and obtained my degree because I believe in accomplishing what the American dream has to offer. The dream of having a career you are passionate about and where you can feed your family and live comfortably. I mean is that asking for too much??? A job, a house or nice apartment, and a decent car??? Money to go on decent trips??? Money to buy your children decent clothes???? Money to pay your bills??? Yes, that is the American dream, yet many cannot obtain it. Why?  Well, Society can't say that American's aren't trying. American’s work day jobs and then go to school at night to do better and be better. Yet, the government both local and federal is making it hard for people to do. Where are the jobs when you finish school??  When you knock on company’s doors, they respond, "not hiring"! Where are the promotions when you go back and obtain your degree??? You work at some jobs and they are glad to promote you, then you work at some jobs and they don’t care that you are improving yourself to get a promotion. So, if the government knows this why would they cut the temporary support needed until the economy cycles around again for the betterment of the people?? Why encourage people (especially young people) to go get their college education as expensive as it is then hike up the student loans to where they cannot get a decent job to pay it back?????? I went back to school so my degree plus my years of skills and experience and positive attitude amounts to what?? Where is my management position J.O.B.?????? Even in creating my own business is difficult because of the economy. I am not giving up, but I need a decent paying job until I can succeed in making my business come alive and then hire people. I mean isn't that how it works? Start businesses and create jobs?

KJV: James 1:3 “Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.4”But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing”.

Have faith and patience knowing that through it all and after it all you will want for nothing because God will supply all your needs.

Ms. Dot

Be Blessed and don't give up on your American dream-The dream God has for you is for you!!!!!

copyright2013

Father's Day In May-Fatherless Son's

This subject was on my mind now and I blog what's currently on my heart. Father's Day is coming up, but the topic is on my mind now.

I was watching the Oprah's Lifeclass  "Fatherless Son's" and I had to write about father's. Watching grown men cry brought tears to my eyes. I now more than every before understand a man's hurt when it comes to their father. Men feel the pain of not having their father in their lives, yet they don't know how to express it; and that is where part of the anger stems from. I am a single mother of a daughter and son from two different father's and neither one stayed in their child's life.

My son is in an angry stage. He has been for a long time. Sometime's I wonder if it is because I showed him a picture of his father when my son was only 8 years old? I asked him if he wanted to know more about his father and he said "yes". I told him I don't know where his father is, but I have a picture of him and would he like see it. He said "yes", and after he looked at it he said that he didn't care. I do not know from that moment if my son developed feeling of his father not being around. The feeling of anger and hurt. We never discussed it again, and my son is now 16 years old and still has bouts of anger.

Grown men on the Oprah Lifeclass were shedding tears. They said although they are grown they still feel the void. It never went away whether they had their own children now or not. One man said that his teen nephew showed up at his door for Christmas with his clothes and some money. The man said to Iyanla Vanzant and Oprah Winfrey that one day he was sitting down watching a football game with his nephew and they were having a conversation and the man was wondering if he was doing what he was supposed to be doing as a  now parent. The man said that he never had his father in his life so he didn't know for sure if the structure and conversation's he was giving was right or wrong. The man questioned himself because he said he didn't have that male figure to learn from. Iyanla and Oprah said that him just being in his nephews life was doing the right thing. The nephew obviously needed a male figure and his uncle stepped in. The man didn't mention if he ever had his own kids but from my view of it he didn't. The teen was 17 years old and almost grown and still needing guidance. So the man was doing right by taking him in and helping him navigate through life or at least give him tools to start. I know for myself that turning 18 isn't the magic number of knowing it all. Being able to step out into the world with the knowledge of a good education; and the knowledge of knowing you were raised with positive structure, guidance, care, and most importantly love is what's important.

I know of a married couple with children. I attended an event and the father had his two little boy's with him. At the event, I observed how he had his toddler in tow and his elementary school son not far behind. This man had to change diaper's, feed his boy's, and keep a close eye on them while attending the event. The mother was at another event with their daughter (teamwork). I said to myself that this is how a father should operate. My kids father's and I broke up when my kid's were babies so I never experienced how a father operates daily. This married couple are close friends of mine, so I see often how he as a father operates with his children and how collectively the couple work together. That is why I am a strong advocate for marriages. Healthy marriages.

My own father operated like that for a while from what I saw in old photos my mother gave to me. My father had me in his arms as a baby and my mother stood next to him in one picture. In another photo I was sitting on my father's lap when I was around five years old;  that was also the time when my parent's split up and divorced. For a while after that, my father devoted his time as a single man to me and my sister, but by the time I was eight or nine he met and eventually married again and that devoted father figure stopped doting on me. Back to father's and boy's.

My son's father never saw our son again after we split when my son was six months old. I moved away and he didn't contact us anymore. My son wasn't his only child either which is a problem society faces. Men father children by whomever whether it is one child or 10 children. I take responsibility as being an irresponsible woman and my goal is to encourage young women to wait on marriage to have children.

When one relationship doesn't work out the child in that relationship suffers. The father eventually finds someone else, and that other woman and her own children plus the one they have together are priority. Being a product of a step-family, I was put on the back burner while my step-mothers' daughter became my fathers' main priority because she lived in the home with him. I was on the outside visiting and it caused me a lot of hurt and resentment growing up looking in from the outside of my father's new family.

When I started to met nice men, I saw that they were good father's to their children. They talked about them often, got their weekly visitation and they supported their children. One of my male friend's had custody of his son's. I saw how he was dedicated as well, but he unlike my married couple friends' with kids had to do everything on his own. The mother of his son's were not in the picture at all and that was a lot on him. He did his parenting job well though.

Even when grandfather's are involved in their grandson's lives when the biological father isn't around is a tremendous gift. That is only if the grandfather's bond with their grandson. I was told by an ex-boyfriend how he only saw his father a couple of times. A time when he was young and a time when he was an adult. My ex-boyfriend however was raised by his grandparents on his mothers' side during his high school years. He said although his grandfather was in his life, he only was there in the home but not there interactively. His grandfather didn't show much emotion as his grandmother did.

One man in the audience of Oprah's Lifeclass said that when he had his own children and they were boy's, he said that he wasn't going to disappear from their lives as his own father did. My ex-boyfriend had one son and he and sons' mother were not together for long. He did stay in his sons' life by getting him on weekends and in the summer and attending special events. I met my now ex-boyfriend when his son was 17 going on 18 so I met him after he went through what he called was a hard time. He said it was difficult raising his son  when he and the mother hardly spoke, and the mother moved on  got married and had more children. It was just a difficult 18 years but he said his son was his number one priority. His son who is now an adult can still call on his father for help when needed. Once you are a parent you will always be a parent to your children if you choose to take on that role and want to be involved for life and not just because you are an adult.

President Obama didn't have his father in his life, but he was raised by loving grandparent's and a devoted grandfather. A father or grandfather has to be emotionally available. They have to be able to tell their son's that they love them. They are the one's who teach their son how to tie a tie. My son is now 16 and hasn't required needing a tie yet. I will be the one I suppose practicing on how to tie a tie although back in the Michael Jackson "Thriller" album days, I wore a leather pink tie like he did and I had a white one. I am telling my age but that was the style long ago and I tied my tie back them.

When I see men with their son's and daughter's by their side walking down the street or sitting at a local park, my heart becomes overjoyed. Why? Because, it really doesn't take much to raise a child. What it takes is love, attention, and affection. Families grow up all the time on "just enough" food, clothes, shelter, etc. What children tend to remember in those "lack of" times is the love of their parent's. The father being in the home like James Evans on "Good Times" working hard raising his three children and supporting a wife on meger ends. Or even the well to do family like the "Cosby Show" Cliff Huxtable, a career man and family man. Either way the father was in the household and the children loved their father being there whether rich or poor. These may be television father's but they do represent both sides of rich and poor family men.

What a father should not do is be overly strict, because a child will eventually find a way to find out what they want to know and do anyhow. Father's should talk to their son's about life, about staying out of trouble, staying off of drugs. Father's should teach their son's the importance of being better than themselves, getting a college degree and master's degree. Study to become an IT Tech, lawyer, doctor, pharmacist, business owner, graphic artist designer, etc. they sky's the limit.  Father's should be the example of what it means to be a good husband to their wife; and have a spiritual foundation because the love of God is the tie that binds husband and wife together. Father's should treat all children equally whether they live in the same household or not. If the father has moved on to a new life and a new wife, when the outside child comes to visit, she should get the same love, support, and privileges as the other children do. When the outside child goes home he should receive daily phone calls the same way he talks to the child in the home daily. If the father lives close to the outside child, then he should attend school activities and after-school activities and what ever support that is needed. It may not be typical but when divorced parent's live within blocks from each other for the sake of the children, I commend that effort and sacrifice. Nobody should have to live in an unhappy home but when the parent's split think of the child when moving away. That however didn't work in my case, but it is a thought if workable. Sometimes it is not realistic. Another celebrity family I see doing better than most families after a split is Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith. Will's older son was treated equally like Will's and Jada's other two children. Jada and Will's ex-wife bonded on behalf of the children. If parent's split up then both sides have to come up with a solution to keep the children feeling loved and wanted.

The child should not be looking out of the window as in the picture above. In the case of this blog, the son should not be looking out of the window waiting to see if his father is coming to get him or visit him. The child should happily hold their fathers' hand like the picture below which in this case looks like a little boy.

And remember that a parent will hopefully one day become a grandparent, and the fatherly support will prayerfully continue!!!

Here are a couple of Bible scripture that reference fatherhood:
Psalms 68:5 (KJV) "A father of the fatherless, and a judge of the widows, is God in his holy habitation."
Job 29:12 (KJV) "Because I delivered the poor that cried, and the fatherless, and him that had none to help him."
Colossians 3:20, 21 (KJV) "Children, obey your parents in all things; for this is well pleasing unto the Lord." 21 "Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged."

Happy Upcoming Father's Day!!!!


Ms. Dot
copyright 2013
www.dorotheabarrow.com

WHAT'S IN YOUR HEART

You know the commercial "what's in your wallet"? I'm asking what's in your heart? What's in your heart to do with your life. What have you been passionate to do thus far? Drawing, writing poems and short stories, taking photographs, dancing, singing, creating art, building things, helping people, becoming a doctor, nurse, hair stylist, etc. The list goes on an on and somewhere on that list is your passion. You have to hone, develop,practice, and put forth the effort it takes to make your passion come alive. Some people get to use their passion right away in life as early as they can walk and talk and tell and show their parent's what they love to do-child singers, musicians, and dancers for example. Some parent's may pick up on your talent and guide and support you through it. Some people have to go out on faith and hope and pray they meet the right person(yes, right person because everybody is not for you) to help guide them to the next level of their passionate career. Some passions that can generate income may have to be a weekend or after work hours business venture. Some passions may take years and years of schooling, becoming a doctor or lawyer for example.What ever it may be find out what your passionate about and make your dreams come true. Do your research because again I say, not everyone is for you; for example in the music business, acting business, or any business, you have to make sure that the company your interested in working with is reputable and successful and are not "selling" you dreams. Sometimes your passion may take you to the other side of the country or world. What ever it may be, be encouraged that what God has for you, he has for you and begin to let the gifts he has stored inside of you blossom.
 1 Chronicles 4:10 (NIV) says, "Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain. And God granted his request." This is the prayer of Jabez. What is in your heart, What passion, skills, talent has God blessed you with? What is your prayer to God to enlarge your territory in? Everyone has a passion. When I see artwork(graffiti) on the walls, that is talent that just needs to be redirected to the right venue; for example art studio, art class, media careers, web designing, etc. See where I am going with this. I have been writing in diary's now called Journal's since I was in elementary school. Who knew years later my writing/passion would turn me into an author and would open up my world to greater(enlarged) opportunities. My daughter who is grown and on her own, passion is fashion. She loved it since she was small. I love clothes but I am not passionate about it. I am still in the all the same color styling-when I wear brown everything is brown, brown blouse with a hint of off white, brown pants, brown shoes, brown earrings (so I guess I can use her help). It goes the same way for her as she loves to read, but that doesn't mean she wants to write a book or poetry. She wants to style, as well as create. I want to write, write and write some more blogs, books, songs and then some.
 Everyone has a passion, say it with me, "I have a passion and my passion is my gift" and I am going to pray to God for guidance on what that is if you don't know already and then for God to enlarge my territory. Pray the prayer of Jabez. My blog, my book, my website is on the worldwide web. That in itself is enlargement. Jabez' mother named him Jabez because she said she gave birth to him in pain (1 Chronicles 4:9). Jabez prayed to God to turn his situation/life around regardless of the meaning of his name(what he is going through which is a current label on him), and he cried out to God (1 Chronicles 4:10) to make him more than what his name is. He is crying out to God saying that he knows God has more in store for him that what it looks like now. It is going to take going through some pain to achieve greatness. The pain of not being successful right away, it may take months, it may take years but, having faith that God is going to enlarge your territory is worth not giving up. The income you hope to generate may come in here and there, but believing that God is going to bless you gives you hope (while still working that day job) So, don't say that Ms.Dot said to quit your day job please(a side of humor).
Jabez prayed to God to keep him free from pain in his enlarged territory. To me, that means when you go through the labor pains of growing your passion and God enlarges your territory you will not be premature in your skills/talents/gifts. You won't be in pain not knowing what to do and doubting yourself. You will know what to do and how to do it. It will be natural to you with the help of the supernatural. Yes, what God does for us and through us is super to our natural. When you hone your passion you will be able to create and do things without blinking(second guessing yourself). Okay, a gifted piano player can play that piano by ear-you heard that saying, "playing by ear". That gifted person can just hear a tune and play it. They don't necessarily need the music sheet (although they trained on how to use the sheet). But, it was a gift already inside of them that blossomed. Same goes for a business-You will make a business plan and know how to execute it. And make a successful and huge business to pass down to generations. However big or small the business, you are asking God for enlarging your territory more than where you are currently.
Jabez' prayer was for God to let His hand be with him. That means to me letting God guide you and direct your paths. When you try to do things in your own strength you can cause yourself physically(tiredness and headaches for example) and mental(you can no longer focus on the prize because your overwhelmed) harm. That is what I believe Jabez was saying when he prayed to God. He said that he can't accomplish all the greatness he is asking for by himself; and that he needs God to do it with him and through him. A person who had the idea(passion) in any area of talent had to have faith in God that they could achieve such greatness with His help.
I cannot leave out the part of the Jabez story where in 1 Chronicles 4:9 says, "Jabez was more honorable than his brothers." Are you respectable to others? Are you a honest person? Have you searched within your heart and asked God to remove things that aren't honorable and respectable within you as well as around you? Relationships that aren't working out, people who mean you no good. Things that have been nagging at you to change within yourself.....Search within. Blessing come from being honorable and obedient. You have to be in tune to God to know how to tap into the blessings for you. You do not want to miss your blessings by not adhering to Gods' Word. I am talking about blessing here. When you become saved, God already blessed you. Okay(I'm going somewhere with this), getting saved by Jesus comes by "Faith" and "God's Grace". In getting saved you are already blessed. You are blessed because God gave a gift freely to you--salvation. It is given freely if you ask God to come into your heart, repenting of your sins (mercy) and believing and confessing that the Son of God is Jesus Christ. Romans 10:9(KJV) says,"That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved." Being saved is a free gift from God for all who ask. The plans (blessings) God has for you though, you have to work toward it daily.You cannot plant a seed and not water it. It won't grow! You have to embrace your God given gifts and talents and go for it and watch it grow. Jeremiah 29:11(NIV) says, "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, plans to prosper and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."God has a plan for you. God has blessed you and stored gifts in you already. 1 Peter 4:10 says, "Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in it's various form. So, whatever gift God gave you from the time you were created, he gave TO YOU. Now, as Jabez prayed, you have to pray to God for your territory to be enlarged. Whatever gift God gave to me, he gave to me(writing--can't you tell by my blogs). How and when He enlarges my territory may not be in the same season or timing that He blesses you in your season and visa versa. We cannot compare ourselves to anybody else's gift. Even with two singer's for example-what God has for one singer is for them.What God has for the other singer is for the other singer. And, as it has been said many of times-you don't know what that person's pain was to get them to the level they are at now.
I will go to another extreme, where I go get my hair done, The women at the shop who do hair are entrepreneurs, who work for themselves. Making women feel beautiful with a beautiful hair style is their passion and gift. They pay their own booth rent and then there is the business owner-- and they are awesome women of God. They love what they do. When I go to the salon, I come out feeling refreshed and I can often talk to my hairdresser about certain things and she listens and gives helpful advice. She is actually in school  getting a degree in the business side of doing hair to enlarge her territory. Yes, she is licensed but she wants to go further. She is going through the pain of more schooling and long hours; but she will ultimately be blessed with what she is passionate in which is the hair styling business beyond the flat iron.
When you have a passion, a skill, a talent, a gift, there is so much more to branch out in than just doing one thing. You can take that one passion and next thing you know you have many businesses generating income and lets not leave out the volunteering and serving of others less fortunate(pay it forward). Let me encourage you to not let the past or even  the present discourage you from what God can do for you within your passion. He already has a plan for you----you must first push through the pain and know it's not all about a name.

May you be abundantly blessed,
Ms. Dot
copyright 2013
go to: www.dorotheabarrow.com (to learn more about me and my book)

F. A. M. I. L. Y.

F. A. M. I. L .Y means Forever & Always Making Invaluable & Loving time with Yours-Dorothea Barrow

Genesis 1:27,28 "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created him". 28 "God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number." NIV

The story of how Adam and Eve came about was outlined in Genesis 2:21-24 where the Bible talks about how they became one flesh. Becoming Husband and Wife. The NIV says, "21. So the Lord God caused  the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her t o the man. 23. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman', for she was taken out of man." 24. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh".We as men and women were meant to procreate in marriage. Along the way in this life, we as a people have strayed away from the Biblical stance of FAMILY.

This blog came to me as I was watching  a television show about a husband, wife, and their 2 1/2 year old child. The young couple were having issues. The father traveled a lot for work leaving the mother home alone to care for their young daughter. The mother was beginning to resent having to stay at home all the time while the father is off at work. The mother wanted to work outside of the home as well and have "me" time too. The father gets a lot of me time after work hours don't you think. A therapist came in (it was one of those remodeling your home/life shows) and suggested "family time", "alone time" and "me" time for the mom. The family grew closer as a result of the show.

I blog about things in life that pertain to me hoping it will bless someone else with their life situations. I also talk about such things I blog about in my book, "The Loveless Daughter". Please purchase it on www.amazon.com. 

Neither one of my children has their father in their lives. My daughter's father communicated and saw our daughter very rarely. Even after we lived states apart since she was seven, he had the opportunity to see his child which was far and few in between.  My son unfortunately never met his father as of yet at least. My son's father only held him a couple of times when he was an infant. Where am I going with this? Family-immediate family is very important. I am not talking about grandparents and relatives. I am talking about Father, Mother, and Children.

I had my children whom I love very much without the understanding of what FAMILY meant. My parents split when I was five. They moved on with their lives, but our family unit was broken. So, before I had my daughter, I did not make sure that I was 1. Married or even Ready and Responsible enough to get Married, and 2. That I knew who I married I wanted to be the father of my children; and who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with (and his ideal for me would be the same). I repeated the cycle of not understanding rule 1 & 2 with my second child. Lesson learned now and passing along.

Having a family is a job and a responsibility. It is not fair to the child to be in a one-parent household. In the television show, the daughter as young as she was enjoyed having her daddy around. When he left for work for days or weeks on end, the daughter was fine when he left. There was no wondering if daddy was coming back or not. That is different than when the father is not in the home at all. The child in a single-parent household is left wondering if their father is coming to visit like he said he would. It wasn't easy for the mother in the show to deal with her husband being gone a lot. But, (unless it was something beyond his control) home is where his heart is. The wife has an expectation of her husband coming home. See the difference. Okay, let me break it down.

Girl meets Boy. Girl gets pregnant by Boy. Boy and Girl breakup therefore leaving Child with one full-time parent which is mainly the mother. Boy may see Child on occasion or visitation, but it will never be the same as the Husband coming home to his Wife every day or when his job permits (ie: truck drivers who travel long distance). There was stress in this television family, but they sought help and are better and happier for it. I say that this is better than doing everything everyday by yourself. That "I am Independent" popular saying by women does not apply when it took two to conceive. It's not about you. That child is dependent on two parents!

To a young person who hasn't had children yet, let this blog be a learning moment for you. You can easily lay down with a boy and procreate. But, it takes a Husband and a Wife team to create and maintain a FAMILY. It's okay to love your boyfriend. Just do not be so quick to start a family before marriage and premarital counseling. Not having premarital sex would be a great option let me just say. Get your career going before starting a family. Know what your hobbies are before starting a family. Discuss all of this with your future spouse so you don't fall into the trap of the husband makes the money outside of the home while you the wife are at home with one or more children steadily growing a resentment toward your spouse because he has so much more "me time" while he is away.Two people who decide to become one and raise a family as a unit will go through ups and downs, twists and turns. But, if you both are aiming for the same thing which is loving each other and raising a family together, then you sometimes need to seek an unbiased third party called a "marriage counselor" to help you reach a compromise.

NOBODY will ever say that being married and raising children is easy. But, if you and your husband are a team, it will be so much better than raising children alone. Aside from that, the child will get the benefits of both parents. Not just one all the time and the other sometimes. And, do not let me get started on when the "absent" parent procreates further with his new woman...what is the child left with then. Left out is what. This is why you have to think long and hard before getting married and having children. This creates for me another blog to write. And, I would never advocate staying in a destructive relationship let me just put that out there too.The signs are there whether you want to see it or not when it comes to the one you want to marry and raise a family with. There is also a remote possibility of blending a family, but the children have to have 100% love and care from both the parent and step-parent. But, that is taking me off the subject of the purpose of this blog.

When I thought of writing this blog, Abraham and Sarah from the Bible popped up in my head. There was a television movie out called "The Bible". Part of the movie depicted the life of Abraham and Sarah not being able to conceive in their younger years. But, an angel told Abraham while Sarah overheard that she will conceive in her old age. Before that though, Sarah encouraged Abraham to father a child with their maidservant Hagar (Genesis 16), because she did not want Abraham not to have a seed to continue his legacy. The only correlation I am making between Abraham and Sarah, and my advocation for FAMILY and Marriage, is that in the movie when Sarah did conceive and have a son in her old age, Abraham eventually sent Hagar and their firstborn son off into the wilderness, because Sarah who envied Hagar for years did not want them around anymore now that she bore Abraham a heir. This is what can happen when children are born outside of marriage. When there are children outside of marriage, after marriage, next marriage, or out of wedlock, the child is going to become hurt even more so than the mother. The mother hurts for her child because the child will not get the same benefits as the child that is with the father daily and nightly. 

In reference to the story of Abraham, Sarah, Hagar and the child she had for Abraham named "Ishmael". God did say in Genesis 21:18, "I will make him into a great nation". All children are equal in God's eyes to become great men and women. Children have a purpose whether they are born in or out of wedlock. I am just saying that FAMILY-husband, wife, and children born in marriage should be made a foundation in your life. People do it all the time. Have families in marriage. It is possible with God in the mix. It is possible when you date someone and they express marriage at some point, and you ask, "God is he my husband?" God will answer you through signs. Those little things you see but let slip in the dating stage. A man can ask you all day long for your hand in marriage, but you have to ask God is he the one to marry and raise a family with.

And after all is said and done, and the children are grown with families of their own based on your biblical teaching of Proverbs 22:6 "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it". NIV; the Husband and Wife marriage/team is still in tack. Still going on strong. Marriage aged in beauty and love. God does make a way for both the married family and single family. The question remains "which FAMILY will you strive for?"

May favor and blessings be unto you,

Ms Dot

copyright 2013

www.dorotheabarrow.com

WHAT'S YOUR GAME PLAN

On my mind today came up the question,  "What was the purpose of me getting my college degree at my age. What did I have to prove. I made it this far (in my 40's) with having a JOB. I made ends meet with my salary to raise my two children all by myself. I mean I tried once before to go to community college back in 2000. My children then were ages ten and three. I dropped out after one year. Money came first to pay bills so I went back to work. Then eight years later, my daughter went off to college. I said to myself that at least she went on ahead and followed her game plan.

There is a game plan of how your can live your life just the same as there is a game plan in  how to play sports or even a game plan in a game like checkers. Does a player strategically plan or think out the next move, or does he just take the ball and just dribble around the court with no goal in mind?  You very well may not know what the outcome will be with a game plan, but if you follow the plan making a few changes here and there to critique your plan, you will more likely win more times than you would if you didn't have a game plan at all.

Okay, so let me back track a few years, well a lot of years back. After I finished high school, I didn't have a game plan. I didn't have a close relationship with either of my parent's and neither one (whoever I stayed with at the time) ever sat me down and asked me, "what are your plans after high school?" I never sat down with my guidance teacher either. Truthfully, I was just glad to be finishing high school.  I was already 19 years old at the time and now my parent's (which ever one I stayed with at the time) said, "you got to do something or leave!" I'm like what?? (to myself) Now, I'm supposed to know what to do with my life???

I was never a problem child getting into trouble at school. Well, one year I flat out didn't go.......public announcement......kids don't try that at home!!!! The whole story is in my book, "The Loveless Daughter" on amazon.com and dorotheabarrow.com (plug on my own blog). But, I wasn't into drugs, or the wrong crowd, I wasn't into drinking, and I wasn't having sex. I just lived with either my father and step-mother or for a short period I lived with my mother during my high school years. I was truly "seen but not heard". The one time I did mention to my mother about wanting to go to college (this was after  I finished high school), she mentioned going to city college. I did not want to go to a city college. My new found dream was to go away, preferably down south to Howard University or further south. The discussion didn't go any further than her mentioning city college. I even wised up enough to order a packet from one of the college resource places that had a listing of all the HBCU's. My mother wasn't hearing me. That was the end of what I realized I wanted to do and go. The idea didn't come up to after high school since it was then I was pressed to figure out my life. As far as the city college, my mothers and I relationship was so strained that I didn't know where I would live one minute to the next to think about living at home and going to school. Then I went to my father and he flat out told me NO to college, and that I should go to a trade school which was much cheaper. That is what said he did when he finished high school. Well, that too thwarted my ideas of going away to college and by age 21 I was pregnant. What happened in between those two years, well you will have to buy my book (plug again on my blog).

Back to recent past, so my daughter was in her first year of college and my former hairdresser- but still dear friend had told me about this adult college program where you could get your four year degree in as little as 2 1/2 years. She went on to tell me that it was primarily night school and Saturday classes. The years depended upon how many credits the adult had so far. I went for it because the adult part appealed to me. I applaud the traditional students that were going to school at their rightful age 18+ and living on campus and living the college life. But, I being a working parent needed something more catered to my age and experience. With that being said, it took me three years to complete my degree, with the one year already underneath my belt from going in 2000; and with taking the maximum amount of credits per semester including summer school. Yes, it was all work and no play. No living in the dorms, no being on teams and sororities, no being in social clubs. Nope, just from work to school to home and the non-existence of Saturdays.

So, by happenstance, I earned my degree just a few months after my daughter earned her degree in May of 2012. I earned my bachelor degree in Organizational Management in December of 2012. My daughter and I had totally different experiences during our college years and the difference is that she stuck with her game plan and was able to enjoy college life. I as her mother was happy to help her with the game plan by going with her to the schools of her choice to tour them; as well as the whole process of financial aid on down to moving her into her dorm which was about 1 1/2 hours from our home. During her experience in traditional college, I was able to see what it was like by visiting a couple times a year......my son and I even spent the night in her single-room dorm suite during her last year of school.

Now, to answer my question that I had in my head earlier, "why did I bother to go back to school later in life?" I went back to accomplish a dream I had to go to an HBCU in the south. Did I know the opportunity was going to come up where going to college would fit in my life and schedule? No, I didn't. But, I believe God opened that door up because for years, I said to myself, how can I motivate young girls to go to college and earn their degree when I don't even have mine. God, opened that door through my former hairdresser.  She is in the process of finishing up her degree at the same college. She started with me and we said we would do this together and encourage one another, but, she had to take time off from school to attend to family needs. It is much more difficult to go back to college when you  are raising a family or are under the obligation to take care of an elderly parent. Most of the fellow adult learner's said the same thing I said which was "I just wanted to complete my degree and that is why I went back to school."  It is a goal that a lot of adult's put on the back burner because life happened, because we either didn't have a game plan, or somehow went to far off course from the game plan. It may take a while, but with determination, and critiquing of the game plan or even eventually formulating a game plan, you can still make one of many touchdowns.

I don't blame "anymore" my parent's for not helping me with a major and important milestone in my younger years. Even with my half sister 14 years younger than I obtaining her degree with the help of my mother; and my step-sister who is seven years younger than I obtained her degree with the help of my step-mother... and father. I obtained my degree in my own time when I finally realized the plays I needed to make to score one of many touchdowns. I can tell you that my mother over the course of her adult years earned her degree going to school at night after I was grown; and my father, well as hard working as he was (now retired), he never saw the purpose of a degree. He saw hard work on a JOB as the key. And as far as him helping my step-sister? Well, that is my step-mothers daughter. (buy my book-okay, I am shameless but my blogs come from my experiences in my book).

You may get a JOB after high school, but the economy is hard to tackle now, and if you are still in high school, I hope your game plan is to put college first. If you are out of high school, I hope you change your game plan to go to college because younger people have to have skills and a degree to earn anything substantial and compete in the job market today. And, if you do come across some obstacles such as I did when I went to my mother and father, don't stop there, go to your school counselor, call the college or university and speak to someone in financial aid, talk to a family member (which I tried), or talk to a church member. Just don't get discouraged like I did. Call all the organizations that claim they help the youth with college preparedness. Now, high schools have tracks or paths to college which I think is great. The students now have a game plan of what high school courses to take to earn the credits toward college. My daughter's high school helped her a lot in college readiness. When she got to the part where she needed my help, I was there. I told her to tell me what she needed me to do because I was not informational wise in that area. She had to start with the college track in high school, she had to take her SAT's, she had to do financial aid, she had to tour the colleges of her choice, she had to get what she needed for her dorm room. She did the hard part, but I signed where I needed to sign, I brought her what she needed, and I drove her to the school of her choice. When I went back to school three years ago, the process was simplified for me also, I sat down with a recruiter, I did my financial aid, and I drove the 30 minutes to school the nights of my classes. A whole lot has changed from 20 years ago. People may have went to college before I was grown, and I don't know how they did it-but they did.  Some young adults need more guidance than others, and I was one of those young adults that had low-self esteem and could have used a little guidance or push back then. You can be as smart as you want to be, but having low self-esteem can fog what potential you may have.  My goal now is to give young adults the guidance or gentle push to go to college. I can say "I did it, so can you!!! Even before I did it myself, I told my daughter that she can do it!!! My hope was in her eyes!!

Listen, nothing is wrong with going back to school in your latter years of life. Personally, I believe those years should be to go back for your master's, other degrees, certificates, theology school, and to get your PhD. "A learner, learns that you never stop learning".  It's just that in the latter years, going to school is a goal, a dream once deferred, an accomplishment to achieve. Most adults have husbands or wives and together they make ends meet and live a good life and raise their children to go to college. They just somehow feel incomplete with not getting their degree right after high school due to having children early, getting married early, getting a JOB that they don't feel they can quit to go back to school right now, because of those acquired bills, bills, bills, etc. True stories from my fellow Falcon's.

Know what your game plan is. Find a coach (teacher, guidance counselor, parent (as myself), family member, church member, etc.) and together work on your game plan so that when you complete high school, you will know what your next play is, and you can run that play and dodge, and move, and jump over any obstacle in your way until you make that touchdown!!!

Be Blessed,

Ms. DOT
copyright 2013

LOVING ME FIRST

When I think of what it means to "love me first", to me it means knowing that God "the Holy Spirit" is living inside of me and helping me everyday to want the best for myself and my children. He is working on me everyday to become a better me. It means giving myself the okay to love me some me without being selfish, vain, arrogant, fictitious, or fake. See, I wrote my book because I had a real story to tell about how I made it through depression, low self-esteem, feeling worthless, feeling that I don't have what it takes to make a successful life for myself, and not valuing myself enough. Then the title of my book "The Loveless Daughter" came to my mind.

"Loveless Daughter" meant to me that as a daughter, a child, a young woman, and a grown woman wasn't getting the love I deserved from anyone. People liked me but nobody loved me. Unconditional love, friendship love, man and woman love. I was liked all day at work by fellow co-workers and staff and by the acquaintances I've met who didn't know my personal story. I wasn't faking it either, it was like people at work and acquaintances saw the me that wants to shine. But, they didn't see how the shine went away as soon as I got home. It just disappeared because no one was around. I was raising two children on my own. Boyfriends came and went, my relationship with my divorced parent's were estranged, my two sisters and I spoke only on occasion. Friends were far and few in between but, I did mention I had acquaintances though that I hung out with from time to time. The truth is, I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO LOVE ME FIRST. I was always looking for it in others.

It wasn't until I grew a close relationship with God that I learned that it was okay to love me first. It wasn't up to someone else to love me first. I had to love me and share the love with my two children (out of wedlock). When I accepted Jesus into my heart by dropping down on my knees and crying out to Him, it was then that I felt love, it was then that I knew something bigger than me was my friend, comforter, my rock, my fortress, my secret place to go to when time got rough and tough.

God can do the same for you. See, God has got the whole world in his hands, in Job12:7-10 NIV version says, " But ask the animals, and they will teach you, or the birds in the air, and they will tell you; (8) or speak to the earth and it will teach you, or let the fish of the sea inform you. (9) Which of all these does not know that the hand of the Lord has done this? (10) In his had is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind." God's got you when no one else doesn't have your back.

Knowing this now in my adult years is what I rely on, that God has got me in his hands. He takes care of me and in turn I can take care of my two children. He gives me skills and talents to do what I do. I know He gave you skills and talents too. Use them wisely and with God's direction and he will teach you what to do. God taught the birds how to fly, the fish how to swim, He taught the earth how to change seasons, what is it that he won't teach you...to do and not to do that is.

When times get rough or tight or lonely it is the Holy Spirit that keeps me going; and re-focuses me back on the right track according to His purpose which is helping people learn to love themselves, which is okay to do because when we love ourselves we can love others too.

Love yourself first!!!!

Dot
www.dorotheabarrow.com

https://www.facebook.com/thelovelessdaughter

WELCOME TO DOT'S BLOG

Hello and Welcome to Dot's Blog!

My name is Dorothea Barrow and I am an Author of the book "The Loveless Daughter" available on  
www.dorotheabarrow.com and amazon.com. Read an excerpt: http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/0615570097/ref=sib_dp_pt#reader-link
 or find me on twitter at: https://twitter.com/dotthemotivata

The purpose for my blog is to reach primarily women and young ladies who are going through tough times and are hurting in their hearts and do not know how they are going to make it through or even believe if there are brighter days ahead. My book "The Loveless Daughter" is a memoir of my younger days to current of ups and downs and in's and out's just like mainstream people go through on a daily basis-ie: low-self esteem, depression, no direction in life, financial hardships, bad relationships from family to ex-boyfriends.

The thing is that not everybody has a support network to talk to, to get positive advice from, to lean on in times of need. Everybody you may try to talk to may turn a deaf ear after while, because they themselves have a lot going on in their lives. At least, that is what I have experienced. Everybody may not tell you their story of how they did make it through tough times; and now has faith on how they will make it through hard times that may occur in the future. This is why I wrote my book.

Finally, I decided to turn to the one and only person that can help me through hard times, the one who is Jesus Christ, Lord and Savior to those that come to accept him as the Living God because He is available to everyone that allows Him into their hearts. It is a choice because God gives us Freewill, but through Jesus, I found my comforter, my friend, my provider, my healer of a broken heart, my leader who leads and guides me towards my purpose in life. The God who lead me to write my first book and start this blog.

I will be blogging on different topics as God leads me. I hope you will continue to read my blogs and become    a supporter and a friend. I will not say follower because Jesus is the only one I follow. But, I hope you will support me, and in my blogs I can support you with an encouraging and inspirational word from God. I am a Christian, a disciple of Jesus Christ who is on board to to help spread God's never ending all powerful LOVE!!!!

Scripture quote for the day: KJV "Psalms 31:3 "For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name's sake lead me, and guide me."

I pray for blessings and peace and understanding of God's Word through my blog.

Please purchase my book "The Loveless Daughter" on Amazon.com it is a great read!!! REALITY IN A BOOK!!!

Also please visit my Facebook page and like it at:  https://www.facebook.com/thelovelessdaughter.

Blessings,
Dot