When I think of what it means to "love me first", to me it means knowing that God "the Holy Spirit" is living inside of me and helping me everyday to want the best for myself and my children. He is working on me everyday to become a better me. It means giving myself the okay to love me some me without being selfish, vain, arrogant, fictitious, or fake. See, I wrote my book because I had a real story to tell about how I made it through depression, low self-esteem, feeling worthless, feeling that I don't have what it takes to make a successful life for myself, and not valuing myself enough. Then the title of my book "The Loveless Daughter" came to my mind.
"Loveless Daughter" meant to me that as a daughter, a child, a young woman, and a grown woman wasn't getting the love I deserved from anyone. People liked me but nobody loved me. Unconditional love, friendship love, man and woman love. I was liked all day at work by fellow co-workers and staff and by the acquaintances I've met who didn't know my personal story. I wasn't faking it either, it was like people at work and acquaintances saw the me that wants to shine. But, they didn't see how the shine went away as soon as I got home. It just disappeared because no one was around. I was raising two children on my own. Boyfriends came and went, my relationship with my divorced parent's were estranged, my two sisters and I spoke only on occasion. Friends were far and few in between but, I did mention I had acquaintances though that I hung out with from time to time. The truth is, I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO LOVE ME FIRST. I was always looking for it in others.
It wasn't until I grew a close relationship with God that I learned that it was okay to love me first. It wasn't up to someone else to love me first. I had to love me and share the love with my two children (out of wedlock). When I accepted Jesus into my heart by dropping down on my knees and crying out to Him, it was then that I felt love, it was then that I knew something bigger than me was my friend, comforter, my rock, my fortress, my secret place to go to when time got rough and tough.
God can do the same for you. See, God has got the whole world in his hands, in Job12:7-10 NIV version says, " But ask the animals, and they will teach you, or the birds in the air, and they will tell you; (8) or speak to the earth and it will teach you, or let the fish of the sea inform you. (9) Which of all these does not know that the hand of the Lord has done this? (10) In his had is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind." God's got you when no one else doesn't have your back.
Knowing this now in my adult years is what I rely on, that God has got me in his hands. He takes care of me and in turn I can take care of my two children. He gives me skills and talents to do what I do. I know He gave you skills and talents too. Use them wisely and with God's direction and he will teach you what to do. God taught the birds how to fly, the fish how to swim, He taught the earth how to change seasons, what is it that he won't teach you...to do and not to do that is.
When times get rough or tight or lonely it is the Holy Spirit that keeps me going; and re-focuses me back on the right track according to His purpose which is helping people learn to love themselves, which is okay to do because when we love ourselves we can love others too.
Love yourself first!!!!
Dot
www.dorotheabarrow.com
