On my mind today came up the question, "What was the purpose of me getting my college degree at my age. What did I have to prove. I made it this far (in my 40's) with having a JOB. I made ends meet with my salary to raise my two children all by myself. I mean I tried once before to go to community college back in 2000. My children then were ages ten and three. I dropped out after one year. Money came first to pay bills so I went back to work. Then eight years later, my daughter went off to college. I said to myself that at least she went on ahead and followed her game plan.
There is a game plan of how your can live your life just the same as there is a game plan in how to play sports or even a game plan in a game like checkers. Does a player strategically plan or think out the next move, or does he just take the ball and just dribble around the court with no goal in mind? You very well may not know what the outcome will be with a game plan, but if you follow the plan making a few changes here and there to critique your plan, you will more likely win more times than you would if you didn't have a game plan at all.
Okay, so let me back track a few years, well a lot of years back. After I finished high school, I didn't have a game plan. I didn't have a close relationship with either of my parent's and neither one (whoever I stayed with at the time) ever sat me down and asked me, "what are your plans after high school?" I never sat down with my guidance teacher either. Truthfully, I was just glad to be finishing high school. I was already 19 years old at the time and now my parent's (which ever one I stayed with at the time) said, "you got to do something or leave!" I'm like what?? (to myself) Now, I'm supposed to know what to do with my life???
I was never a problem child getting into trouble at school. Well, one year I flat out didn't go.......public announcement......kids don't try that at home!!!! The whole story is in my book, "The Loveless Daughter" on amazon.com and dorotheabarrow.com (plug on my own blog). But, I wasn't into drugs, or the wrong crowd, I wasn't into drinking, and I wasn't having sex. I just lived with either my father and step-mother or for a short period I lived with my mother during my high school years. I was truly "seen but not heard". The one time I did mention to my mother about wanting to go to college (this was after I finished high school), she mentioned going to city college. I did not want to go to a city college. My new found dream was to go away, preferably down south to Howard University or further south. The discussion didn't go any further than her mentioning city college. I even wised up enough to order a packet from one of the college resource places that had a listing of all the HBCU's. My mother wasn't hearing me. That was the end of what I realized I wanted to do and go. The idea didn't come up to after high school since it was then I was pressed to figure out my life. As far as the city college, my mothers and I relationship was so strained that I didn't know where I would live one minute to the next to think about living at home and going to school. Then I went to my father and he flat out told me NO to college, and that I should go to a trade school which was much cheaper. That is what said he did when he finished high school. Well, that too thwarted my ideas of going away to college and by age 21 I was pregnant. What happened in between those two years, well you will have to buy my book (plug again on my blog).
Back to recent past, so my daughter was in her first year of college and my former hairdresser- but still dear friend had told me about this adult college program where you could get your four year degree in as little as 2 1/2 years. She went on to tell me that it was primarily night school and Saturday classes. The years depended upon how many credits the adult had so far. I went for it because the adult part appealed to me. I applaud the traditional students that were going to school at their rightful age 18+ and living on campus and living the college life. But, I being a working parent needed something more catered to my age and experience. With that being said, it took me three years to complete my degree, with the one year already underneath my belt from going in 2000; and with taking the maximum amount of credits per semester including summer school. Yes, it was all work and no play. No living in the dorms, no being on teams and sororities, no being in social clubs. Nope, just from work to school to home and the non-existence of Saturdays.
So, by happenstance, I earned my degree just a few months after my daughter earned her degree in May of 2012. I earned my bachelor degree in Organizational Management in December of 2012. My daughter and I had totally different experiences during our college years and the difference is that she stuck with her game plan and was able to enjoy college life. I as her mother was happy to help her with the game plan by going with her to the schools of her choice to tour them; as well as the whole process of financial aid on down to moving her into her dorm which was about 1 1/2 hours from our home. During her experience in traditional college, I was able to see what it was like by visiting a couple times a year......my son and I even spent the night in her single-room dorm suite during her last year of school.
Now, to answer my question that I had in my head earlier, "why did I bother to go back to school later in life?" I went back to accomplish a dream I had to go to an HBCU in the south. Did I know the opportunity was going to come up where going to college would fit in my life and schedule? No, I didn't. But, I believe God opened that door up because for years, I said to myself, how can I motivate young girls to go to college and earn their degree when I don't even have mine. God, opened that door through my former hairdresser. She is in the process of finishing up her degree at the same college. She started with me and we said we would do this together and encourage one another, but, she had to take time off from school to attend to family needs. It is much more difficult to go back to college when you are raising a family or are under the obligation to take care of an elderly parent. Most of the fellow adult learner's said the same thing I said which was "I just wanted to complete my degree and that is why I went back to school." It is a goal that a lot of adult's put on the back burner because life happened, because we either didn't have a game plan, or somehow went to far off course from the game plan. It may take a while, but with determination, and critiquing of the game plan or even eventually formulating a game plan, you can still make one of many touchdowns.
I don't blame "anymore" my parent's for not helping me with a major and important milestone in my younger years. Even with my half sister 14 years younger than I obtaining her degree with the help of my mother; and my step-sister who is seven years younger than I obtained her degree with the help of my step-mother... and father. I obtained my degree in my own time when I finally realized the plays I needed to make to score one of many touchdowns. I can tell you that my mother over the course of her adult years earned her degree going to school at night after I was grown; and my father, well as hard working as he was (now retired), he never saw the purpose of a degree. He saw hard work on a JOB as the key. And as far as him helping my step-sister? Well, that is my step-mothers daughter. (buy my book-okay, I am shameless but my blogs come from my experiences in my book).
You may get a JOB after high school, but the economy is hard to tackle now, and if you are still in high school, I hope your game plan is to put college first. If you are out of high school, I hope you change your game plan to go to college because younger people have to have skills and a degree to earn anything substantial and compete in the job market today. And, if you do come across some obstacles such as I did when I went to my mother and father, don't stop there, go to your school counselor, call the college or university and speak to someone in financial aid, talk to a family member (which I tried), or talk to a church member. Just don't get discouraged like I did. Call all the organizations that claim they help the youth with college preparedness. Now, high schools have tracks or paths to college which I think is great. The students now have a game plan of what high school courses to take to earn the credits toward college. My daughter's high school helped her a lot in college readiness. When she got to the part where she needed my help, I was there. I told her to tell me what she needed me to do because I was not informational wise in that area. She had to start with the college track in high school, she had to take her SAT's, she had to do financial aid, she had to tour the colleges of her choice, she had to get what she needed for her dorm room. She did the hard part, but I signed where I needed to sign, I brought her what she needed, and I drove her to the school of her choice. When I went back to school three years ago, the process was simplified for me also, I sat down with a recruiter, I did my financial aid, and I drove the 30 minutes to school the nights of my classes. A whole lot has changed from 20 years ago. People may have went to college before I was grown, and I don't know how they did it-but they did. Some young adults need more guidance than others, and I was one of those young adults that had low-self esteem and could have used a little guidance or push back then. You can be as smart as you want to be, but having low self-esteem can fog what potential you may have. My goal now is to give young adults the guidance or gentle push to go to college. I can say "I did it, so can you!!! Even before I did it myself, I told my daughter that she can do it!!! My hope was in her eyes!!
Listen, nothing is wrong with going back to school in your latter years of life. Personally, I believe those years should be to go back for your master's, other degrees, certificates, theology school, and to get your PhD. "A learner, learns that you never stop learning". It's just that in the latter years, going to school is a goal, a dream once deferred, an accomplishment to achieve. Most adults have husbands or wives and together they make ends meet and live a good life and raise their children to go to college. They just somehow feel incomplete with not getting their degree right after high school due to having children early, getting married early, getting a JOB that they don't feel they can quit to go back to school right now, because of those acquired bills, bills, bills, etc. True stories from my fellow Falcon's.
Know what your game plan is. Find a coach (teacher, guidance counselor, parent (as myself), family member, church member, etc.) and together work on your game plan so that when you complete high school, you will know what your next play is, and you can run that play and dodge, and move, and jump over any obstacle in your way until you make that touchdown!!!
Be Blessed,
Ms. DOT
