F. A. M. I. L .Y means Forever & Always Making Invaluable & Loving time with Yours-Dorothea Barrow
Genesis 1:27,28 "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created him". 28 "God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number." NIV
The story of how Adam and Eve came about was outlined in Genesis 2:21-24 where the Bible talks about how they became one flesh. Becoming Husband and Wife. The NIV says, "21. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her t o the man. 23. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman', for she was taken out of man." 24. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh".We as men and women were meant to procreate in marriage. Along the way in this life, we as a people have strayed away from the Biblical stance of FAMILY.
This blog came to me as I was watching a television show about a husband, wife, and their 2 1/2 year old child. The young couple were having issues. The father traveled a lot for work leaving the mother home alone to care for their young daughter. The mother was beginning to resent having to stay at home all the time while the father is off at work. The mother wanted to work outside of the home as well and have "me" time too. The father gets a lot of me time after work hours don't you think. A therapist came in (it was one of those remodeling your home/life shows) and suggested "family time", "alone time" and "me" time for the mom. The family grew closer as a result of the show.
I blog about things in life that pertain to me hoping it will bless someone else with their life situations. I also talk about such things I blog about in my book, "The Loveless Daughter". Please purchase it on www.amazon.com.
Neither one of my children has their father in their lives. My daughter's father communicated and saw our daughter very rarely. Even after we lived states apart since she was seven, he had the opportunity to see his child which was far and few in between. My son unfortunately never met his father as of yet at least. My son's father only held him a couple of times when he was an infant. Where am I going with this? Family-immediate family is very important. I am not talking about grandparents and relatives. I am talking about Father, Mother, and Children.
I had my children whom I love very much without the understanding of what FAMILY meant. My parents split when I was five. They moved on with their lives, but our family unit was broken. So, before I had my daughter, I did not make sure that I was 1. Married or even Ready and Responsible enough to get Married, and 2. That I knew who I married I wanted to be the father of my children; and who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with (and his ideal for me would be the same). I repeated the cycle of not understanding rule 1 & 2 with my second child. Lesson learned now and passing along.
Having a family is a job and a responsibility. It is not fair to the child to be in a one-parent household. In the television show, the daughter as young as she was enjoyed having her daddy around. When he left for work for days or weeks on end, the daughter was fine when he left. There was no wondering if daddy was coming back or not. That is different than when the father is not in the home at all. The child in a single-parent household is left wondering if their father is coming to visit like he said he would. It wasn't easy for the mother in the show to deal with her husband being gone a lot. But, (unless it was something beyond his control) home is where his heart is. The wife has an expectation of her husband coming home. See the difference. Okay, let me break it down.
Girl meets Boy. Girl gets pregnant by Boy. Boy and Girl breakup therefore leaving Child with one full-time parent which is mainly the mother. Boy may see Child on occasion or visitation, but it will never be the same as the Husband coming home to his Wife every day or when his job permits (ie: truck drivers who travel long distance). There was stress in this television family, but they sought help and are better and happier for it. I say that this is better than doing everything everyday by yourself. That "I am Independent" popular saying by women does not apply when it took two to conceive. It's not about you. That child is dependent on two parents!
To a young person who hasn't had children yet, let this blog be a learning moment for you. You can easily lay down with a boy and procreate. But, it takes a Husband and a Wife team to create and maintain a FAMILY. It's okay to love your boyfriend. Just do not be so quick to start a family before marriage and premarital counseling. Not having premarital sex would be a great option let me just say. Get your career going before starting a family. Know what your hobbies are before starting a family. Discuss all of this with your future spouse so you don't fall into the trap of the husband makes the money outside of the home while you the wife are at home with one or more children steadily growing a resentment toward your spouse because he has so much more "me time" while he is away.Two people who decide to become one and raise a family as a unit will go through ups and downs, twists and turns. But, if you both are aiming for the same thing which is loving each other and raising a family together, then you sometimes need to seek an unbiased third party called a "marriage counselor" to help you reach a compromise.
NOBODY will ever say that being married and raising children is easy. But, if you and your husband are a team, it will be so much better than raising children alone. Aside from that, the child will get the benefits of both parents. Not just one all the time and the other sometimes. And, do not let me get started on when the "absent" parent procreates further with his new woman...what is the child left with then. Left out is what. This is why you have to think long and hard before getting married and having children. This creates for me another blog to write. And, I would never advocate staying in a destructive relationship let me just put that out there too.The signs are there whether you want to see it or not when it comes to the one you want to marry and raise a family with. There is also a remote possibility of blending a family, but the children have to have 100% love and care from both the parent and step-parent. But, that is taking me off the subject of the purpose of this blog.
When I thought of writing this blog, Abraham and Sarah from the Bible popped up in my head. There was a television movie out called "The Bible". Part of the movie depicted the life of Abraham and Sarah not being able to conceive in their younger years. But, an angel told Abraham while Sarah overheard that she will conceive in her old age. Before that though, Sarah encouraged Abraham to father a child with their maidservant Hagar (Genesis 16), because she did not want Abraham not to have a seed to continue his legacy. The only correlation I am making between Abraham and Sarah, and my advocation for FAMILY and Marriage, is that in the movie when Sarah did conceive and have a son in her old age, Abraham eventually sent Hagar and their firstborn son off into the wilderness, because Sarah who envied Hagar for years did not want them around anymore now that she bore Abraham a heir. This is what can happen when children are born outside of marriage. When there are children outside of marriage, after marriage, next marriage, or out of wedlock, the child is going to become hurt even more so than the mother. The mother hurts for her child because the child will not get the same benefits as the child that is with the father daily and nightly.
In reference to the story of Abraham, Sarah, Hagar and the child she had for Abraham named "Ishmael". God did say in Genesis 21:18, "I will make him into a great nation". All children are equal in God's eyes to become great men and women. Children have a purpose whether they are born in or out of wedlock. I am just saying that FAMILY-husband, wife, and children born in marriage should be made a foundation in your life. People do it all the time. Have families in marriage. It is possible with God in the mix. It is possible when you date someone and they express marriage at some point, and you ask, "God is he my husband?" God will answer you through signs. Those little things you see but let slip in the dating stage. A man can ask you all day long for your hand in marriage, but you have to ask God is he the one to marry and raise a family with.
And after all is said and done, and the children are grown with families of their own based on your biblical teaching of Proverbs 22:6 "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it". NIV; the Husband and Wife marriage/team is still in tack. Still going on strong. Marriage aged in beauty and love. God does make a way for both the married family and single family. The question remains "which FAMILY will you strive for?"
May favor and blessings be unto you,
Ms Dot
copyright 2013
www.dorotheabarrow.com
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